In the Here and Now

Too much life, I wasn’t kidding. I suppose if I was younger I would have more energy for all the various things I have to do. On the other hand I am doing them. On another hand, if I was younger my parents wouldn’t be old and my son wouldn’t be a teenager. So there is order in the universe, it is just too much universe. Or something. They say that the busier you are the more you accomplish. I think that is only true to some precarious breaking point where you never finish anything and forget to do hundreds of things. That must be right before you have a breakdown? Maybe my memory is just going, hard to know. Am I too busy or am I demented? What a choice. I feel as if I am living all the American headlines. Losing your home? That was almost us. We got lucky. Squeezed between kids and parents? That is us. Loss of job? Meet my long suffering spouse. The good news is that we are luckier than many; we are still in our home, I still have a job and nobody is seriously ill. Yep, that is the good news. The bad news seems to be that I am slowly losing my mind. The struggle to live in the now, to just be grateful, to find joy grows greater these days. But really, to be effective, its not supposed to be a struggle.

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