I Love the Sad Fall

I love the fall. I am sad that now that I live in Florida, there is no real natural autumn. There are no turning leaves, there is no smell of wood fire or roasting green chilies, no need for the cozy sweater. There is a subtle change in which the hot muggy days turn to temperate lovely weather that stays the same day after day. There is something to be said for no real muddy, icy winter. Nevertheless. Fall for me is marked mostly now by the cycle of the Jewish holidays, the wonderful self-examination, majestic and sorrowful music, confession and forgiveness, the renewal and the ritual. It seems odd to me that this is so, as I did not mark my days in this way as a child, but it is so now. The fall and early winter is also the time I mark the passing of so many of my loved ones, family and friends who have died. I miss each one in a special and unique way. Our memorial candle burns on the stove many nights throughout this time of year. I find it comforting. I love that we mark the deaths of our loved ones in the small flame that burns for 24 hours, it reminds us to think of them for that brief time each year. I still miss my grandmother these many years later, I miss my friend Sylvie, I miss my dogs. There are many others, more the older I grow, but you get the idea. So fall is a muted symphony of colors, smells and memories, sad but I love it anyway.

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